


I love you and that is all that matters

by TheShhhSpot



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 15:11:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13367340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShhhSpot/pseuds/TheShhhSpot
Summary: Marcus hasn’t seen Jolyon since he found out he was being dropped by Renault.





	I love you and that is all that matters

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, big thanks to @F1_rabbit for inspiring me!

There were always negative comments. Either on Twitter, instagram or news posts. There were always people who liked the world to know they disliked you enough for you to be their whole universe at every single hour of every day. It was fine, he knew how to deal with it or at least he tried to deal with it. Alex always said it was good to focus on negative comments only when you plan on turning them to positive ones that help you achieve your daily training or important tasks that come with the job.  
Marcus has always liked to ignore them and instead continue to be positive no matter the situation, "A smile and a kind action is always capable of changing a bad day to a good one" his mom had thaught him and his little brothers. So that’s what he did, he tried to forget all about negative comments and instead focused on being good.

In the paddock, the felling of competition is so high that is basically almost tangible, Jenson was right by calling it ‘a circus’ filled with different hypocrisy acts and fake laughter that can give you a headache, Marcus didn’t enjoy those moments, the ones that he did enjoy were the ones where he could spend some time with his fellow driver friends and actually talk with them about stuff that wasn’t forbidden to talk about by their contracts.  
He enjoyed listening more than talking and he definitively enjoyed being able to make new friends. He’s not stupid, he knows that everyone is weary of everyone since any slip could mean loosing a never ending battle for points and a posible tittle, but he knows that while the younger drivers still seem a bit weary, the ones that have been in the grid for the same time as he has or even more are more easy going. That’s why he is currently enjoying spending some time with Sergio, both are leaning on one of the safety cars in the main garage, the whole grid was there, most of them talking to each other.  
He hasn’t talked to Jo since a week after summer break ended. In fact he hasn’t talked to him since Marcus found out via Twitter that Renault was dropping him for Carlos after Japan, and even then, Jo was mostly silent when they spoke.  
Marcus has seen negative comments, he has personally dealt with them and he won’t lie and say they don’t hurt, because when you have a bad race, the only thing you can’t think about is what if they are right? He manages to stop that thought from getting under his skin thanks to his positive personality, although it’s hard sometimes, it’s hard when all you wish to do is go to your hotel room and hide and sleep hoping that when you wake up everything is better.  
When he stupidly read the comments under the news that Jo was being dropped, he felt a stab in his chest, he felt anger, he wanted to tell all those people off, tell them they were wrong and mean. The fact that he couldn’t spot Jo worried him, Marcus knows how much those comments hurt, that’s why he was scared Jo had believed them.  
"It seems that the Germans are at it again uh?" Sergio says from were he’s standing next to Marcus waiting for whatever media duty that requires them all to be there and drags Marcus to reality. "Uh?" He asks and the Mexican nods to where Sebastian is talking to his teammate Pascal in a corner. "Yeah, they seem to be friends now" Marcus answers.  
"Yeah, the irony, I would have expected him, Pascal, to be friends with Lewis instead"  
Marcus shrugs, he understands but he supposes that the sense of nationality is stronger than team rivalry, or what could be interpreted as team rivalry. Sergio laughs and it’s a friendly laugh "he’s not giving you shit about supposed preferences is he?" Marcus shrugs "not really, he just ignores me when I talk to him" Sergio laughs and shakes his head. "That’s a classic one" the Mexican says and he chuckles "we have all done that to our teammates at least once in our lives" he pauses for a moment and looks at Marcus "not you though I imagine, you are nice" he looks back at where Felipe is talking to Carlos "I wish I was like that man, I think that we all do" Marcus laughs and shakes his head, he doesn’t mind. He likes the way he is. "Pero aqui eso es algo que se paga muy caro" Checo says and sadly smiles at the Swede as he gives him a friendly pat on the back. Marcus doesn’t understand that last but but before he can ask they are being ushered towards a room.

 

"There is something on your mind" Alex says as he stands beside Marcus while the blond is trying and succeeding in doing a correct plank using only his left arm and right leg as leverage.  
"There is a lot in my mind" he answers at the same time that he puffs out a breath and takes another.  
"Let me rephrase that, there is something on your mind that is troubling you" he said and proceeds to imitate Marcus’ exercise after making sure he is doing it correctly. "One more minute and then you change to your right hand and left foot" he adds.  
It is not until they get to the hotel from the training center in Japan that he speaks of the matter again. They are both on Marcus’ room when the younger man goes to sit by the bed "I’m just not sure what to do" Alex looks at him, concern visible on his face "regarding?". Marcus groans and falls back on the bed. "Jo" he simply says. When Alex doesn’t say anything he continues "he hasn’t talked to me since he found out Renault was dropping him for Carlos"  
"It must be really hard for him" Alex tells him as he sits on the edge of the bed near Marcus "maybe he needs some time alone to process it?"  
"But what if he is sad I mean i know I would be devastated" Marcus said rising from the bed and looking at Alex while he did so, the other man smiled "why don’t you send him a message saying you want to hang out" at this words the blond pulled a sad face "I did, he saw the text but didn’t reply". They both stay silent for a while until Alex gently puts his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. "You know, usually when someone is sad they don’t like to admit it, they like to make a shell and hide inside it but what they really need most of the time is someone that tells them they love them". Marcus stared at Alex open mouthed when he got the meaning of his words "Alex I can’t do that" he swallowed and looked down "if I do that and he doesn’t...he could hate me... he could tell someone and I—" "i don’t think he could ever do something on propose to hurt you Marcus, I’m not saying you have to tell him that, you just need to show him you are there for him, just let him know". Marcus just stared at his shoes and made a thoughtful sound "just do what you think it’s best Marcus" Alex said and rose from the bed grabbing his bag from where it lay near the door "I’ll be in my room, if you need anything don’t hesitate to call me alright?" Marcus looked up at him and nodded, Alex turned around but looked back "breathe Marcus, don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with". The blonde blushed and nodded smiling, Alex smiled back and opened the door to head up to his own room.

As soon as Alex left Marcus fell back on the bed thinking about his trainer’s words.  
Marcus knew he loved Jo, he had known it for a while now, the both of them had been so close since they were younger that now the Swede was scared that if he told Jo how he felt he would scare him off and his friendship would be thrown away. Oh the cliche! But he couldn’t help it, he had truly fallen in love with him and he couldn’t loose him, just as he couldn’t let Jo feel like he was alone. No, Jo was his best friend and Marcus would rather die than let Jo feel like he wasn’t loved. So he got up from his bed, took his room key, wallet and phone and left to Jo’s hotel room.

 

He used the elevator to get to the lobby, and he tried not to look suspicious, in fact he was very careful not to bump into any of the team staff and engineers, he knew it was against security rules to go out alone, but he couldn’t call Alex, this was something he needed to do by himself, Jo wasn’t answering his phone, so he decided to venture alone to his hotel room.  
He called an Uber, and while he waited for Nico to message him Jo’s hotel room number on his way to the hotel his mind started to wander.

He remembers that moment clearly, more so now.

He had retired from the race...again, not because of a malfunction but because he got distracted, took a wrong turn and crashed as a consequence, he was devastated, he actually for a moment thought he could make it.  
He puffed out the breath he was holding and leaned his arms agains the railing of the balcony. The view of the city was magnificent, and yet he couldn’t stop feeling terribly sad.  
He heard someone approach and for a moment he thought it was Alex, until he heard the person softly call his name. "Marcus" he turned around and saw Jo slowly approaching him, he put his right arm around his shoulder "I thought I could find you here, the view is nice" the brunette said. "Yes It is" he replied.  
He knew that Jo could see his red nose and feel his tense body, but for some reason he knew that it didn’t matter. He didn’t have to pretend with Jo.  
Jo turned to him and smiled "It was just one bad race" Marcus returned the smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes "I’m tired of only having bad races" at his words Jo hugged him "they are not forever, believe me" he said and offered Marcus another smile "have you eaten already? Come on let’s go eat something! By the looks of it a have enough time to kidnapp you before Alex kills me" that made Marcus laugh and he nodded.  
Afterwards he almost forgot that he had a bad race.

It was his turn to tell Jo it was going to be okay.

 

He was glad to find out that he didn’t need a room key to access the elevator and when he finally was in front of Jo’s door he decided calling him again, he stupidly hadn’t thought about the possibility of Jolyon not being in his room at that hour.  
There was no answer, that was strange. Maybe he was training, that could be it, or maybe he had stayed late at the garage to fix something or to talk about the situation with his team boss. There could be a ton of explanations and most of them indicated that Jo was probably not inside and yet Marcus couldn’t stop that feeling in his gut that told him he should at least try. So he knocked. "Jo? Are you in there? It’s Marcus, open up please". Nothing.  
The Swede put his left ear flat against the wooden-like door trying to hear something that indicated that his friend was indeed inside his room.  
There was a faint noise that he couldn’t quite place. He tried again. "Jo please, I know you have been ignoring my calls, I need to talk to you or just... I need to know if you are okay, I’m worried Jo" he put his forehead against the cold surface. I need to know you are okay. "Just open up please".  
He stayed there silent for a moment and suddenly he heard movemen, the lock of the door being taken off and the handle being pulled down to open it.  
Marcus felt his heart shatter and tears start to form at the corner of his eyes. Jolyon’s eyes were red and puffy, it was obvious that he had been crying for a while, Alone, Marcus thought and he quickly entered the room and engulfed his best friend in a hug. "I’m sorry Marcus, I’m sorry" the Brit said, voice muffled and raspy. "No Jo I’m sorry, I’m sorry I should’ve known" the Brit just laughed "but how could you? I’ve been ignoring you all day, I was just...I didn’t want you to see me like this" Marcus just held him tighter "it’s okay Jo, you don’t have to pretend with me, ever, I wish I came by sooner, I’m sorry I didn’t" he said.  
Jo left out a sob and Marcus lowered them to the floor. "I just don’t know how to feel Marcus, my agent told me this was a great deal, that I should be happy, but there’s no way I can. I failed Marcus, my career is over" Marcus felt heartbroken, tears started flowing down his eyes too and he just held him there, Jo’s legs were lying across his own, both of them sitting in a position that allowed Marcus to hold Jo without bending awkwardly.  
He kissed Jo’s temple "i know it doesn’t seem like it right now but it will get better Jo, I’m sure of it" he stroked his arm up and down to try and calm him down. "This doesn’t mean your career is over or that you have failed in it, it just means that you get a new start" he said and kissed his temple again. "But they hate me, all of them, they say I’m worthless, what if I really am Marcus?" The Swede felt his blood boil "who said that?" Jolyon just shrugged. "Listen to me, they are just people that don’t know you, don’t know you at all Jo, you are worth it, you are so worth it, you managed to get here, what have they accomplished? Don’t listen to them, they only want to make you feel sad, but they don’t matter, what matters is that there are people who love you and support you unconditionally, those haters are nothing Jo, just people that won’t stop you from accomplishing things"  
"How can you be so sure Marcus?" He asked after a moment, voice low, unbelieving.  
Marcus thought about the hundred of things he could tell to Jo to get him to believe him, he thought about all those times Jo was there for him, about how much he had wanted to show him just how much the Brit meant for him, about how he needed to let it out... suddenly Alex’s words came back to him and he knew he just had to.  
He took a deep breath and very softly spoke "I know because I have known you for years, because I have seen you struggle and rise, because you have been there with me when things get bad. You mean so much to me, more than you can imagine Jo" He stopped for a moment, Jo was silent but he couldn’t back away now, he needed to know. "Sometimes I’m scared that you don’t know how much you mean to me and most of the time I’m scared to let you know because..." he trailed off, he couldn’t do it, he couldnt risk loosing him, so he just held him closer to him, tears streaming down his cheeks, but Jo turned around kneeling in front of where Marcus was lying.  
He couldn’t look him in the eye, he had come here to try and make his best friend feel better and here he was probably making it worst, he thought about apologizing when he saw Jo smiling. "You mean the world to me Marcus, you always have" he trailed the side of his face wiping the remaining tears away and just like that, Marcus felt the pull, he very slowly got closer to Jo, still afraid he was wrong until Jo closed the gap between them, ending his fears with a kiss.  
Marcus felt as thought a million gym weighs were lifted from his shoulders and he happily hummed into the kiss.  
When they parted both grinning like teenagers Jo grabbed Marcus hands to his chest. "I’ve wanted to do that since, I can’t even remember, all this time, I didn’t know you felt the same" Marcus just laughed and shook his head " I can’t believe it, I was so scared you would push me away" Jo helped the both and of them up and lead them to the bed where they sat at the edge of it and after kissing the Swede with great passion he told him "I would never push you away, I’ve loved you for so long"  
"I love you too" Marcus grinned, he couldn’t help it, he felt so happy he was sure he wouldn’t be able to stop smiling for days. "I thought this was one of the worst days of my life but now it’s the happiest, you really are a guardian angel, happy Swede" Marcus actually giggled at the nickname and just kissed Jo again.  
Everything was okay now, they would be okay now.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction, any similarities with reality are a mere coincidence.


End file.
